Not Nearly All
by J. Maria
Summary: All the Sarmatian ladies have their knights, and their pasts to contend with. Set post Sarmatian Ladies .
1. The First to Fall - Wilhelmina's Tale

Title: The First to Fall  
>Author: Jmaria<br>Rating: FR-13  
>Disclaimer: Joss owns the Buffy crew, Bruckheimer, Franzoni, &amp; Fuqua own this incarnation of Arthur &amp; his knights. I own the modernized names and situations, kinda.<br>Summary: Dawn's not the only one to share a past history with her knights. The first two to fall back into the fold…  
>AN: So, while SL is not finished and the third installment of The Quest series (still looking for a better name, but it works for now) is in the early planning stages, I thought it might be interesting to reexamine the histories of the knights and their ladies…

Pairing: Willow/Gavin, Wilhelmina/Gawain

_**The First to Fall**_

Willow hadn't slept well the night before. Her mind had been heavy with the thoughts of the day. First Morgan le Fay told them they were all needed, and the 'awakening' was almost too much for anyone to bear.

She wasn't sure that her dreams were really _her_ dreams. She'd only had a dream like this one back when she, Giles, Buffy, and Xander had tapped into the first slayer's power her freshman year.

* * *

><p><em>There was work to be done, and as a slave of the Romans, Wilhelmina had little choice but to follow her captor's orders. She'd come with one of the Roman officers and his wife to the outskirts of the Roman fort at Hadrian's wall as a child. The officer's wife had died in childbirth the second year of his posting at the wall taking the babe with her. The officer had died months later, leaving sixteen year-old Wilhelmina lost in the frightening world of the North.<em>

_Had it not been for Vanora, woman of the knight Bors, she might have been out in the wilderness on her own. Vanora had given her shelter until she was able to find lodgings of her own. She worked in the tavern with the Briton woman and had earned her keep in both the honorable and disreputable trade that went on there. She was no whore though, and laid with only the knights who had been kind to her._

_She had often wondered after the giant of the group, the silent knight Dagonet, but he had never sought her attentions. She was too young in his eyes, a comment Wilhelmina had heard him speak to her only confidant among the girls when Vanora had tried to urge him to enjoy himself._

_The younger knights, however, had often held her sway. The young, cynical Galahad had often teased her and the warrior Gawain had sought her more nights than any other knight. But she remembered the knights who had been with her that hadn't returned. Gawain's brother, Gaheris had been one of her admirers. The loss of the sixteen year old knight had been hard on the younger knights. His death had been hard on her as well._

_It was Gaheris, a clumsy and shy boy afraid of death that had taken her innocence. She had loved that boy in both life and death. Part of her had never recovered from the loss of Gaheris. She often went and cleaned the burial mound that held his sword. But as much as that part of her had belonged to Gaheris, she feared a part of her heart belonged to the boy she'd comforted over his brother's grave. Gawain was a different man. He could be loud and frustrating and annoying in one breath, and speak as sweetly as honeyed wine with the next._

_Still, he lacked the kindness and compassion his brother had had. He was overly confident and aware of the attraction he held for her. That was why she refused to bed him. _That _was why she still refused to bed him the night before the seven knights went over the Wall to rescue those Romans. _That _was why she refused to bed him before the Saxons arrived._

_But it was a broken and different Gawain that returned from the battle of Badon Hill. He could never return to his homeland now, never die on his native soil. He had aged, his very _freedom _had aged him. He was not softened by the blow. He came to the tavern still, but he did not act as he had as a conscripted warrior. He drank to forget those lost._

"_What, the great Sir Gawain can't stomach this common swill now he's a free man?" Wilhelmina scoffed._

"_What, the great tavern wench Wilhelmina can't leave a man in peace? I haven't the coin to pay you for a tup." Gawain took a deep gulp of the mead._

"_I ain't that kind of slave."_

"_No, _you're _not a slave. Knights died and the Romans have left. Who's your master? What shackles have you got about your wrists that keep you here?" Gawain growled, his hand clamping tightly around her wrist. Wilhelmina's eyes widened in shock at the venom in his words before pulling back in anger._

"_I haven't the papers to return - no _female _slave of the empire is given papers such as yours. Not that it matters - my home was destroyed by the Romans. What family I have left is long dead," Wilhelmina yanked her hand free. "I am as trapped as any other that remains here. No matter that Rome has abandoned us to the wolves."_

"_Has Arthur abandoned you? Have we Sarmatians abandoned your kind?"_

"_Until a fortnight ago, you lofty Sarmatians were just as enslaved as us. Don't get high and mighty with me, Gawain," Wilhelmina swept her skirts away from him and returned to the counter._

_Her hands shook as she set her platter down. She could not connect the Gawain she knew before with the one that had replaced him. They were free, but at what cost?_

* * *

><p>Willow jerked upright in her bed, comforted by the soft snores Vi made as she rolled over heavily in her sleep. The sun was peeking up over the hill, signaling a new day. After the last two fun filled days, what would this new sun bring for the knights and their ladies?<p> 


	2. The Second Heartbreak - Isolde's Tale

Title: The Second Heartbreak  
>Author: Jmaria<br>Rating: FR-13  
>Disclaimer: Joss owns the Buffy crew, Bruckheimer, Franzoni, &amp; Fuqua own this incarnation of Arthur &amp; his knights. I own the modernized names and situations, kinda.<br>Summary: Dawn's not the only one to share a past history with her knights. The second time her heart's been made to break…  
>AN: These are little vignettes into four of the Sarmatians' ladies existence at the fort/Camelot/wherever the hell they all wind up. First part was Willow's back story. This is about Isolde's time at the wall. Part three & four will be Elaine and Viviane's bits.  
>Also, this part was writtenset between the last two chapters of Sarmatian Ladies.

Pairing: Faith/Trevor, Isolde/Tristan

_**The Second Heartbreak**_

Faith wasn't one to look gift horses in the mouth. But this was a pretty big one to swallow. Still didn't stop her from turning up the steps and slipping in to bed. She was out before she even managed to change out of her clothes.

* * *

><p><em>She'd wanted her knees to falter when Morgana had spoken of their deaths. But part of her knew that she'd cursed Tristan to die a lonely death if he'd failed to keep the betrothal. What had she known as a foolish girl? She'd been impetuous and head strong and she now faltered under the loss of Tristan.<em>

_Had he even been the same man from the boy she remembered? Had he, like she, never taken a lover? Had he been unable to get over the loss of her? She'd kept her self pure for him. That barely mattered now._

_She would not cry. Not bring herself to dishonor his memory with tears. She'd not make a fool out of herself and bear the pain closely to her soul. If she even had one still in her chest. It took very little for her sister to crumble, however. Viviane had to hold Elaine upright, the grief over the loss of Lancelot clear to all. Morgana stood before her then, her all too-knowing eyes piercing Isolde's very soul._

"_She's stopped crying. Have you drugged her?"_

"_Honeyed wine," Morgana nodded. "Though she has not eaten much in the last few days. It did not take much."_

"_Has she the right to such grief?" Isolde asked, the bitterness tingeing her voice._

"_In her own way," the Raven sighed. "Not as much as you can claim."_

"_Did I curse him? You know of such things, Morgana. Did my bitterness doom him to die, here and alone?"_

"_Isolde -"_

"_Tell me, witch," Isolde hissed._

_Morgana jerked back as if slapped. Isolde would not apologize. There was an unearthly magic to her sister. Just as there was to Viviane. It was old magic, once tied to their people and their land. It was unbearably cruel to demean what magic the goddess had provided them, but perhaps it would bring a clear answer from Morgana. At least for a change._

"_Tristan's fate was drawn long before you were born," Morgana's eyes turned dark. "Achilles fell once, because of an unbearable loss. Will you fall as well?"_

"_Whoever can tell?"_

_Isolde turned from her sister. Part of her was already dead. Tristan was gone and she was left alone in this cold world. But she was comforted by the fact that his death had not been on her shoulders. She set herself down on the pallet, her eyes unseeing as she remembered the boy she would mourn the rest of her life._

_Tall seas of grass had nearly swallowed him whole, as his father taught him how to wield a sword. Isolde felt the tears pool in her eyes, slipping across her face. She'd thrown an apple at him, and he'd sliced through it cleanly._

"_Be at peace, my heart," Isolde whispered softly. "For both of us."_

* * *

><p>Trevor jerked upright in bed. <em>Be at peace, my heart<em> whispered across ears, drawing his gaze up to the oddly opened doorway. Why would he dream of Faith's grief, 1,600 years in the past?


	3. The Third Wheel - Elaine's Tale

Title: The Third Wheel  
>Author: Jmaria<br>Rating: FR-13  
>Disclaimer: Joss owns the Buffy crew, Bruckheimer, Franzoni, &amp; Fuqua own this incarnation of Arthur &amp; his knights. I own the modernized names and situations.<br>Summary: Dawn's not the only one to share a past history with her knights. The third time she was "betrayed", she snapped…  
>AN: These are little vignettes into four of the Sarmatians' ladies existence at the fort/Camelot/wherever the hell they all wind up. First was Willow's back story, second was about Isolde's grief. Part three is Elaine's psychotic break. And last part will be about Viviane.

Pairing: Buffy/Lanyon, stalker!Elaine & Lancelot.

_**The Third Wheel**_

Buffy still wondered about that necklace and what it meant to her. Or, _past_ her. She'd had a lot of dreams over the years: prophetic dreams, slayer-tuned dreams, dreams of the slayer spirit. Bizarre dreams with cheese men. But not of a mirror-image her. Not the waking dreams of running through waist-high grass, chasing after a dark form that endlessly slipped through her grasp.

Not like the dream she'd just had.

* * *

><p><em>Her hands fisted in her hair. She couldn't stop the tears that consumed her whole. For years, she'd pined for him. Her love. Her Lancelot. He'd been within her grasp and it had been torture to wait for Morgana's orders to find him and pull him close.<em>

_She didn't even have a grave to mourn him at. He'd been burned, in the custom of their people. The way her father had been set to rest. She crouched beside a grave of one of the other Sarmatians in the darkness. He had been of Viviane's tribe, and where he'd rested had been beside the scorched earth that Lancelot had lain._

_Tears choked her throat as she tightened her grasp on the naked blade. Steel cut through thin flesh and blood dripped thickly over her fingers. Blood and ash forever mixed as she made her oath._

The blame for my loss falls three-fold_, Elaine thought, her eyes going to the encampment below. _To the woman he died for, the ideal he strove for, and on the woman who denied me_._

_Guinevere, Arthur and Morgana. She would never find peace without Lancelot at her side. And in that moment she vowed that those three would never find their own piece. She vowed: on her blood and his ashes, that she would destroy all those who had destroyed her dreams. The leader, the lover, and her sister._

_She never felt the spirit that coaxed her to give up her hate. Indeed, she was too deeply embittered in that moment to care for kindness. She forgot what brutal treatment had befallen her sister at the hands of the Romans. She ignored the still-healing scars on the woman Lancelot had died to protect for his brother. But she was not blind to the grief that Arthur still wore as a cloak around him at his brother's death. She would latch onto that grief and make them all pay for her loss._

_Her revenge would come from grief and bring nothing less in its wake. Briton would burn and she would dance in the ashes as it fell._

* * *

><p>Buffy shook her head clear of the darkness. She felt dirty even thinking of that girl - that broken and dangerous girl who would destroy everything around her because her heart had been stolen from her. <em>You never let it break you like that again<em>. She hadn't. She'd fought - through Angel, Riley and Spike's falls, she'd fought on. She'd been shaken up, but their losses had never torn her whole world down. _But they never touched her as deeply as _he_ had._

The world couldn't stand that kind of rage and grief a second time.


	4. The Fourth Fracture - Viviane's Tale

Title: The Fourth Fracture

Author: Jmaria

Rating: FR-13

Disclaimer: Joss owns the Buffy crew, Bruckheimer, Franzoni, & Fuqua own this incarnation of Arthur & his knights. I own the modernized names and situations,

Summary: Dawn's not the only one to share a past history with her knights. The second time her heart's been made to break…

A/N: The last installment! Up next is _Once & Future _the last big arc piece of The Quest.

Pairing: Vi/Garrett, Viviane & Galahad.

_**The Fourth Fracture**_

It was the not knowing - yet still feeling - the connection to this crazy thing that had Vi following Garrett out to the clearing that morning. It was huge and engulfing, this past that was and wasn't hers to own.

Sure, she could blame it on slayer-ness. Maybe it was a Slayer memory. Or maybe she just really was the Viviane from legend. Either way, the ugly truth would get pulled out and she'd be held accountable for the mess her former life had made.

* * *

><p><em>She should have never left Isolde alone. Never let Elaine stoke the fires of doubt against their brethren. Never concealed Elaine's secret for her. No matter that it was her sister who'd begged so prettily.<em>

"_Where do you go now, fox?"_

_Viviane was yanked back against the solid form of Galahad. He was meant to be an ideal for the court, and instead he was everything that was not. Viviane drove her elbow back into his stomach, hoping to knock herself loose from his grasp. He only cinched on tighter to her._

"_None of your concern, milord," she spat out, driving her heel down into his foot. It had as much effect on him as her elbow had._

"_Everything about you concerns me, little fox."_

"_I am not now, nor ever will be your concern," Viviane bucked her head back against his face. He reeked of grog, and she had assumed he'd crawled inside a vat again. Yet he ducked her move._

"_When my Queen calls for you, it is."_

"_Guinevere called for me?" Viviane ceased struggling._

"_The Raven is off tracking down the Lioness, and she insists the Fox comes to her aid."_

"_Is it the babe?"_

"_Why else would she call for you?"_

_She let herself be dragged off to Guinevere's chambers. The Queen's second pregnancy had been so difficult, Morgana and Viviane had been beside the Queen constantly. The first girl had been born easily, but still born a girl child. The people were anxiously awaiting an heir to Arthur's throne. Morgana's ability to heal had been instinctual, and Viviane had trained with her people's priestesses before her capture by Romans. _

_When hours later the second daughter of Arthur and Guinevere had fought her way into the land of the living, only then did Viviane leave her side. She sought out Morgana and found Galahad again._

"_Is the Lioness happy?"_

"_I am too tired to follow your inane question," she muttered, trying to sidestep him again._

"_With her bastard son? Our only heir?"_

"_Guinevere is young," Viviane ignored the question, not knowing what he was speaking of. "She has many years left to give Arthur a son."_

"_Not with you feeding her poison -"_

_Viviane slammed her fist into his face. But for one time, back when they had earned their freedom in the arena, did she use her knowledge of herbs and healing to harm another. She had lived amongst their people for five years now._

"_I have done nothing of the sort!"_

"_Would you not kill for your people? Not betray?" Galahad advanced, cornering her._

"_Guinevere has done me no harm -"_

"_Can any of your people say the same?"_

"_Can you? You _are_ one of the last of _my_ people. Is this tenderness?" Viviane pushed back at him. "Is this not harm?"_

"_Will I die at the end of your blade_?"

* * *

><p>Vi's head jerked up at the touch of Garrett's hand on her shoulder. Panic and guilt ran a gamut in her eyes. She could see him, as he was then and feel the weight of his body, the heat of his glare. <em>Galahad had died on her blade, and both of them knew it.<em>


End file.
